"It isn't hard work unless you'd rather be some place else."
-Don Shula
Thank you Don Shula, for revealing my sham. I don't actually work hard at anything. I only practice my trumpet when I feel like it. I play basketball, but only because it's enjoyable. I don't do any kind of cross-training to actually get myself into better shape. And schoolwork? I do the bare minimum to scrape by. My work is never hard, and it only comes out of necessity. The things I pride myself on most - not even really working very hard. I'm half-assing everything I do. I'm wasting my God given talents because I'm too selfish. I'm starting to use this quote to motivate myself now. It's nice to reevaluate - am I actually sacrificing to work hard? Or are you just doing whatever you damn well please?
On an unrelated note, I got my first Achordants solo. It's a youtube rap song called "Everday Normal Guy" - really more of a joke than anything else. But hey, I tried out to get face time. I was really excited when I got the solo, too. Then I got to thinking - and this is just more selfishness on my part. I put a lot of time into the group, and pride myself on my singing. And my mind is consumed by the thought of getting a solo - all I want is some recognition. I was very happy and wanted to tell everyone initially when I got the solo. Then, as I pondered the issue further, realized that I was just pumping more air into my already bloated head. Nothing like a solo to boost my ego beyond where it already needs to be, right?
Lastly, I feel I should comment on my love life (or lack thereof). The reason it warrants posting is because it's always on my mind. And the reason it's worth everyone reading is so I can call myself out on another patently obvious flaw. Of course, I like to complain about my trouble with women to most everyone. I still haven't determined why yet, perhaps I just want to evoke sympathy above all else. Rather pathetic. After all, sometimes I just can't understand what girls don't see in a good-looking, funny, intelligent, and caring guy like me...and I can sing! May God strike me a Eunuch rather than continue this pompous and arrogant facade. I like to build myself up, and I wonder why I can't seem to find a good girlfriend. And the reason I wonder why I can't is because I think I'm all that. I'll come right out and admit to those secret thoughts I harbor. I don't even want to post this and acknowledge my flaw, but I need to be called on it. Who am I, the sack of shit that God created, to boast in myself? How am I so incredulous that I can't find a girlfriend? The only positive in my own life is from the merciful hand of God, and nothing of my own doing. If it's not in God's plan for me to have a wife, then so be it. And above all else, it is not my place to whine about anything, and certainly not to wonder why a self-proclaimed "great guy" such as myself suffers from a futile love life. I pray that I will see that the only good in myself comes from God, and not to emptily boast in myself.
So, checklist for the Seven Deadly Sins:
Lust
Gluttony
Greed
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Pride
Already covered sloth and pride just in my blog here...don't even get me started on the rest. I see them all in myself. Lord, help me to allow you to change me and live more for You.
I write this only to be thought-provoking, and hope that those who take the time to read my blog can get something out of this. Evaluate yourself honestly, and see where you stand.
