Infrequent and sporadic posting

OK so I don't post very regularly. Thus, the title of this post. I can hardly expect anyone to read if there's never anything new up. So, I'll pour my thoughts into this handy dandy blog this summer.

I never really considered myself to hold grudges. However, in light of recent events, I realized that I'm more of a resentful person than I ever realized. True, to be accurate, I have never felt such a high level of personal hurt inflicted upon myself. I found myself several times reaching rock bottom and further during some times this year. However, that is in the past. I can recall my personal struggles from the year now and retell them without solely longing for sympathy. These events have been written in my past, and the book is closed on them.

Back to my original point. I never used to hold grudges. I thought they were trite and silly. And I have harbored one for some time recently. In a time of some soul searching, I realized that it is not my place to judge others. Also, in my circumstances, and perhaps those of others, judge and grudge are effectively the same thing. It is not my place to judge the actions of others. And so, it is not my place to hold a grudge over those actions. I personally have failed others many times, and I counted on forgiveness for the numerous times that I my have caused pain in another's life. I'm not perfect, and nobody is. So it's time for me to realize that, though I may be skeptical, it's time to relinquish grudges. I have found them to be juvenile, and it's time for me to grow up. I cannot quench some anger that still lives inside me, and trust that has been lost is more than likely irreparable. Anger is my own issue that hopefully I can work through in time. Loss of trust is another issue that can only be assuaged over time. A grudge is something I need to release now, and get over my desire to feel victimized. I do feel I've been victimized, but it's immature and self-serving for me to clutch at such feelings for any extended period of time.

This is my most recent revelation. Hopefully anyone reading this can reevaluate the purpose of some grudge you may be disinclined to be rid of. I find no joy in holding a grudge, and as it is not my place, I hope that my new view might usher in some changes in others.

I haven't posted any poetry in awhile. The first I wrote some time ago, before the Teaching Fellows trip. The second are some lyrics I wrote when I was considering the hip-hop movement, and the dichotomy of hip-hop and rap.


Clinging to a misguided, misplaced delusion
A storybook ending, free of confusion
An outdated idea held with no premonition
I cling to it blindly of my own volition
My cynicism? - merely a last resort
A feeling of truth when all others fall short
But when all is well I spout optimism
And foolishly shun my own skepticism
I love to be loved, and hate to be hated
With a girl in my arms, no doubt I am sated
Oh these foolish ideas, my polluted young head
To clutch at these dreams, but awaken with dread
I'm tired of love, and the path that ensues
I'm weary of games, and I don't like to lose
It irks me so much every time that I fail
A prisoner of my heart, now I'll break out of jail
These romantic circuses only have shown
That happiness is fleeting; I'm best off on my own

Hip-hop’s dead, and the murderer’s rap

Like nas says, it’s “legitimized crap”

Yeah, nas, remember that name

Soulja boy’s the one who’s killin the game

Claim that rap and hip-hop’s the same

Get educated man, you know that’s insane

I been called a dumbass and a hypocrite

But I’m real on the mic and I come to spit

This is real life, so come on take it serious

These other rappers must be delirious

Always talking bout getting cars and hoes

Tell me, what you gonna do with those?

That isn’t getting anyone out of the hood

So start doin the things a man should

Instead of getting money get common sense

We’re all brothers, so what’s with the violence?

I may not have grown up in poverty

But I’m still livin vicariously

And trust me, I’m takin it seriously…